Parchment & Ink
Daddy im sorry
Mama used to say I was the only one that loves you unconditional and sometimes I wish that were true. Daddy I’m sorry all the times I said I cared when my heart didn’t I’m sorry at grandma’s funeral I watched you sit at a table alone, estranged from the family you once knew.
I so much like you, never know when to say I need help, when to let pride fall and be vulnerable for once. I spent 10 years playing daddy’s girl and for 7 more I played it only as a painting of the past.
You and mama didn’t get along thus we didn’t get along, the one man I’m suppose to trust but instead you taught me a lie, a lie that we both began to believe because it hid the true tears that we both shed, you hid your tears because it meant you knew you did wrong, and me, I hid my tears cause I was tired of being in the middle I was tired of empty apologies you could never give me. I cry now not for that little girl inside whose hand is left unheld,
I cry for you, I cry for us, that we aren’t the same people whose hands match perfectly, who share birth marks in the same place. We have a love that can only be loved half way, It can’t change it won’t change.
Sometimes daddy I feared for you, were these boxes in the truck of your car, your home, would be able to nourish yourself from day to day or would a meal be sporadic, would the many empty wine bottles that fill the garbage can replace the space that we are suppose to fill.
I’m sorry they’re over, our memories I’m sorry our times riding the bus into the city ended, I’m sorry spending winters together faded. I’m sorry you being in my life was never an option. I’m sorry daddy, I was your little girl but today I’m all grown up.
I so much like you, never know when to say I need help, when to let pride fall and be vulnerable for once. I spent 10 years playing daddy’s girl and for 7 more I played it only as a painting of the past.
You and mama didn’t get along thus we didn’t get along, the one man I’m suppose to trust but instead you taught me a lie, a lie that we both began to believe because it hid the true tears that we both shed, you hid your tears because it meant you knew you did wrong, and me, I hid my tears cause I was tired of being in the middle I was tired of empty apologies you could never give me. I cry now not for that little girl inside whose hand is left unheld,
I cry for you, I cry for us, that we aren’t the same people whose hands match perfectly, who share birth marks in the same place. We have a love that can only be loved half way, It can’t change it won’t change.
Sometimes daddy I feared for you, were these boxes in the truck of your car, your home, would be able to nourish yourself from day to day or would a meal be sporadic, would the many empty wine bottles that fill the garbage can replace the space that we are suppose to fill.
I’m sorry they’re over, our memories I’m sorry our times riding the bus into the city ended, I’m sorry spending winters together faded. I’m sorry you being in my life was never an option. I’m sorry daddy, I was your little girl but today I’m all grown up.
No Lessons Learned
To see the time we spend slip pass
Takes the breath out of my heart
To stay positive for you is a final
Exam that I take every day and fail
You I miss and wish you understood
Me and my heart.
It is my fault, I let you go without being
Honest, the exterior brushed you off
But the interior longed for your personality
Thinking maybe this one would be easier
The smiles that came with your presence
Can not be exchanged but treasured, put
In a heart shaped box and enjoyed.
Luck must follow the other person involved
In this equation, they get to share times of joy
And sadness, enjoy the positives and negatives
Be wrapped in your mind, not just your arms
But what a surprise this turned out to be, me, I
Thought this could never happen, I thought there
Would be all the time in the world
Studying your every move, trying my best
To understand you
They say life gives you tests, and
Then gives you the lessons
This was my test, you were my test
You gave me my grade and I guess
At this point learning the lesson
Is pointless because in this field
I am clearly a failure
Takes the breath out of my heart
To stay positive for you is a final
Exam that I take every day and fail
You I miss and wish you understood
Me and my heart.
It is my fault, I let you go without being
Honest, the exterior brushed you off
But the interior longed for your personality
Thinking maybe this one would be easier
The smiles that came with your presence
Can not be exchanged but treasured, put
In a heart shaped box and enjoyed.
Luck must follow the other person involved
In this equation, they get to share times of joy
And sadness, enjoy the positives and negatives
Be wrapped in your mind, not just your arms
But what a surprise this turned out to be, me, I
Thought this could never happen, I thought there
Would be all the time in the world
Studying your every move, trying my best
To understand you
They say life gives you tests, and
Then gives you the lessons
This was my test, you were my test
You gave me my grade and I guess
At this point learning the lesson
Is pointless because in this field
I am clearly a failure
Babigurl
Babigurl why you tryin to act all grown
thinkin you could handle your life on your own
you aint in your teens & you already sellin pussy for beans
babigurl i remember the days i used to babysit you
and now I fear the day I'll have to bury you
you think the life you live is so fun
but what happens when you're staring down the barrel of a gun
your pretty face will get you far, yeah right to the back seat of his car
sucking his dick wont make you his chick
maybe some chump change and a couple times around the block in his range
I know it felt good to pay your mama back for the shoes she brought you
but to get that money only god knows what you went through
get mad at me if you want to, you know im right
shit you lucky if you made it home alive at night
babigurl I know you're in pain on your heart there's a stain
growing up without a daddy,any man that called you beautiful made you happy
whether they paid for the pussy or whether they meant it
but babigurl ya virginity you should've kept it
for them fantasy end and extasy failed
babigurl you're headed for a permanent jail
ya mama prayed many times before
and now she's cryin cause her little girl's a whore
you walk the streets like you're so hard
everyday you play the wild card
these streets are cold ain't they
people who start out here usually dont stay...on earth at least
you aint a beauty but these niggas is the beast
wake up before you get choked up cause ya "head" wasn't good
why you lettin ya self get caught up in the hood
you've been knocked up and popped twice
and got the nerve to call these niggas trife
babigurl dont be stupid the life you live aint exclusive
good girls come and go
and those who made it will never go back cause they know
is it worth babigurl
black eyes for a few fives
watchin ya mama cry cause she watched you die
babigurl you're so lost and in the end it won't be you payin the cost
now aint the time for those tears
open ya ears and listen and not just hear
Babigurl I rather see you take every single breath
than see you in death
thinkin you could handle your life on your own
you aint in your teens & you already sellin pussy for beans
babigurl i remember the days i used to babysit you
and now I fear the day I'll have to bury you
you think the life you live is so fun
but what happens when you're staring down the barrel of a gun
your pretty face will get you far, yeah right to the back seat of his car
sucking his dick wont make you his chick
maybe some chump change and a couple times around the block in his range
I know it felt good to pay your mama back for the shoes she brought you
but to get that money only god knows what you went through
get mad at me if you want to, you know im right
shit you lucky if you made it home alive at night
babigurl I know you're in pain on your heart there's a stain
growing up without a daddy,any man that called you beautiful made you happy
whether they paid for the pussy or whether they meant it
but babigurl ya virginity you should've kept it
for them fantasy end and extasy failed
babigurl you're headed for a permanent jail
ya mama prayed many times before
and now she's cryin cause her little girl's a whore
you walk the streets like you're so hard
everyday you play the wild card
these streets are cold ain't they
people who start out here usually dont stay...on earth at least
you aint a beauty but these niggas is the beast
wake up before you get choked up cause ya "head" wasn't good
why you lettin ya self get caught up in the hood
you've been knocked up and popped twice
and got the nerve to call these niggas trife
babigurl dont be stupid the life you live aint exclusive
good girls come and go
and those who made it will never go back cause they know
is it worth babigurl
black eyes for a few fives
watchin ya mama cry cause she watched you die
babigurl you're so lost and in the end it won't be you payin the cost
now aint the time for those tears
open ya ears and listen and not just hear
Babigurl I rather see you take every single breath
than see you in death
True Story of a 7yr. Old Girl
I knew a seven yr. old girl who by the age of nine knew her life would never be the same
I knew a seven yr. old girl who by the age of ten watched her daddy walk away
and by the age of 14 she sucked her first dick behind her garage
and by the age of 15 she tattooed her self with blood and left teared scars
and by the age of 16 she was pregnant with a 22 yr old man's baby.
This 7 yr. old girl cried her eyes red behind blind walls of shame
She hid her sorrows behind a mouth missing 2 front teeth that when she smiled, the room brightened, but on the inside she slept on a dark heart that carried so much pain she couldn't speak. "hold my doll" she says innocence spills from her tongue. Until her mind grows and she questions. She questions why, why is she not a size 2? why unlike her, her friends have long flowing hair?, why doesn't she have clear skin?, she questions why. This 7 year old girl questions why she can't be like you. This little girl has walked more miles in trenches than anyone can imagine She wonders am I suppose to be like them, or should I be me?
Heart beats like a drum and no one hears her, her young hands left un-held. She wants you to know she's tired of sitting in the corner crack of her room, tired of sitting on cold bathroom floors blood drips from arms legs and finger tips, pills popped, necks bruised, chairs broke because god says "I want you to stay"
This 7 yr. old girl drowned her sorrows on backs and knees taking some nigga in her mouth and pussy. Events unfold and rip through life like a hurricane that could make Katrina look like tear drops. She sits in her room, t.v. on mute, mom vents on anyone on the other end of the phone. What do you know about her? For 2 yrs. She snuck dudes into her father's house all hours of the day believing they cared for her because she longed for a man to love her, she longed for a man to be by her side at what ever cost and sometimes she paid with what almost produced life.
What do you know about her but at the age of 9 hr life was never the same, at 10 her father left, at 14 she sucked dick, at 15 she cut herself, and at 16 she was pregnant. This 7yr. old girl sits in a chair and her feet can't touch the ground with a baby doll between her legs, swim lessons, and roller skating parties, patent leather shoes, and floral dresses, lollipops, and her first manicure. Its like the sweet taste of ice cream on a hot July day, like the taste of hot chocolate filling her body while waiting in the cold for the thanksgiving day parade.
This little girl so innocent, as innocent as she is suppose to be. Do you her, are you trying to know her? I bet you're wondering how I know. I'll tell you, At the age of 9 my life was never the same, at the age of 10 my father left, at the age of 14 I sucked my first dick behind my garage, at the age of 15 I cut my self and at the 16 I was pregnant with a 22 yr, old man's baby.
I knew a seven yr. old girl who by the age of ten watched her daddy walk away
and by the age of 14 she sucked her first dick behind her garage
and by the age of 15 she tattooed her self with blood and left teared scars
and by the age of 16 she was pregnant with a 22 yr old man's baby.
This 7 yr. old girl cried her eyes red behind blind walls of shame
She hid her sorrows behind a mouth missing 2 front teeth that when she smiled, the room brightened, but on the inside she slept on a dark heart that carried so much pain she couldn't speak. "hold my doll" she says innocence spills from her tongue. Until her mind grows and she questions. She questions why, why is she not a size 2? why unlike her, her friends have long flowing hair?, why doesn't she have clear skin?, she questions why. This 7 year old girl questions why she can't be like you. This little girl has walked more miles in trenches than anyone can imagine She wonders am I suppose to be like them, or should I be me?
Heart beats like a drum and no one hears her, her young hands left un-held. She wants you to know she's tired of sitting in the corner crack of her room, tired of sitting on cold bathroom floors blood drips from arms legs and finger tips, pills popped, necks bruised, chairs broke because god says "I want you to stay"
This 7 yr. old girl drowned her sorrows on backs and knees taking some nigga in her mouth and pussy. Events unfold and rip through life like a hurricane that could make Katrina look like tear drops. She sits in her room, t.v. on mute, mom vents on anyone on the other end of the phone. What do you know about her? For 2 yrs. She snuck dudes into her father's house all hours of the day believing they cared for her because she longed for a man to love her, she longed for a man to be by her side at what ever cost and sometimes she paid with what almost produced life.
What do you know about her but at the age of 9 hr life was never the same, at 10 her father left, at 14 she sucked dick, at 15 she cut herself, and at 16 she was pregnant. This 7yr. old girl sits in a chair and her feet can't touch the ground with a baby doll between her legs, swim lessons, and roller skating parties, patent leather shoes, and floral dresses, lollipops, and her first manicure. Its like the sweet taste of ice cream on a hot July day, like the taste of hot chocolate filling her body while waiting in the cold for the thanksgiving day parade.
This little girl so innocent, as innocent as she is suppose to be. Do you her, are you trying to know her? I bet you're wondering how I know. I'll tell you, At the age of 9 my life was never the same, at the age of 10 my father left, at the age of 14 I sucked my first dick behind my garage, at the age of 15 I cut my self and at the 16 I was pregnant with a 22 yr, old man's baby.
